Emerald Catron
Emerald Catron has written for Asylum, Lemondrop, MyDaily and Daily Fill. She is one half of rap duo Dem Shortybooz and is a comedic performer around NYC. Follow her on Twitter @emeraldcatron
Remember when Valentine's Day was awesome? You spent all day gluing construction paper to a shoe box, for the sole purpose of having people stuff it with cheap candy and cards from the pharmacy. Now it's just Someecards on Facebook and the orange creams are all that's left in the Whitman's sampler in the office kitchen.
Here are some of those cards you maybe used to get in your shoebox, if the teacher was too depressed to make you make your own Valentines. Happy Valentine's Day.
Being sad, alone and pathetic is sort of a specialty of mine. To give you an idea, I've definitely been humiliated by an airbrush artist at an amusement park, which I was visiting without any friends. So when it comes to Valentine's Day, I've basically mastered the art of being totally miserable. Feel free to join me, but it's going to be a pretty rough night. Let's get started, shall we?
Say what you want to about Valentine's Day, it is an excuse to buy a three pound box of chocolates and a double-sized bottle of white wine and not have to share it with anybody. But what to do while you're picking through your Whitman's
According to these guys, this is the very last Harlem Shake video ever. According to us, when did anybody on the internet ever listen to anybody else? Still, it is a suitably (NSFW) violent ending to something that has been annoying us basically since the first time we saw it.
It's everybody's favorite hero hitchhiker Kai, the hatchet-wielding head smasher! Only this time instead of smashing skulls, he's playing a guitar, which is significantly less terrifying, but equally entertaining, it turns out.
Amazing and talented animator/motion graphics artist Michelle Enemark made these 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' valentines for her husband. Fortunately, in addition to being amazing and talented, she is also really sweet and said we could share them with you.
Then: Gabriel Iglesias was 24-years-old when he joined 'All That' for its sixth season. Prior to that, he was a struggling comedian, and the show marked his first big break.
What better way to tell somebody you love them than with the words of the great people of Pawnee? 'Parks and Rec' very generously shared these Valentine's Day greeting cards on their Pinterest, and we think they're swell. Tell somebody that you don't hate them, or even adore them, and if it gets weird just say "Hey, I'm sorry, I thought you LIKED that show." And then never talk to them again. Happy Valentine's Day!!
Then: Lori Beth Denberg had been performing in community theater and school plays since the age of six, but it wasn't until she was 18 that she landed her first professional gig, on Nickelodeon's 'All That.' She was a cast member on the show for four years, most memorably as the tell-it-like-it-is host of 'Vital Information.'
If you look at the internet at all, you've probably noticed a sudden proliferation of Harlem Shake videos. Why, you might be asking, are all these people wearing horse head masks and throwing themselves around shabby dorm rooms? It's a fair question, and one we'd like to answer for you. This is your essential guide to the Harlem Shake.
There's something special about Florida. Not the Keys or the Everglades. Really it's the propensity for weird news that gets us. Strange things are always happening down there. If you're familiar with the bizarre state, @_FloridaMan on Twitter will delight you.
Then: Venus DeMilo Thomas was 14 when she was cast in Nickelodeon's summer camp classic 'Salute Your Shorts.' Previously, she had a small part on TV shows 'Parker Lewis Can't Lose' and 'Alice' and in the TV movie 'Never Forget.'